There are so many concepts of my life I can apply Zanders philosophies to both personally and professionally. However, as I write this passage, at this very moment my thoughts are with the five at-risk youth I am trying to work with. I stress trying because as life ‘is what it is’ for me, I had to realize it is the same for them. I may not be able to change them, well influence their beliefs is a better and more appropriate phrase. I can only lead by example, show them I sincerely love and care for them and want the best that life can offer, feed them positivity and show them the possible outcome.
How I pay-forward is in my passion and unending desire to help, I tell those I meet how I feel about them, I am not afraid to show or express myself. Even when my kindness is misunderstood or turned away it hurts but as the Zanders stated Life just is and there are things we have to accept. We make the attempts and if lucky and pushed hard enough sometimes the results are right on. Truth and reality, however, lets me know it may not always be that way. I am only responsible for the effort not necessarily the outcome. Which is why Zanders speaks so against blaming oneself.
I can only hope for the future of these five young men. I know that I have touched them in more ways than they express, for I see the changes, the smiles, the report cards, and occasionally I get an actual “thank you Elaine for helping me.” What is hard to muster is that it is not from all five of them. That two or three of them are showing signs of regression and that is difficult. I asked the questions still, “Why aren’t they listening to me? Why can’t they seem that the pathway they are choosing will hold the possibility of assured struggles? What didn’t I do right?” So I follow Zander’s advice and can only focus on the part that I played, while continuing to be there and just simply do the best I can for or by them. I have no power over all the circumstances in their lives. My job wasn’t to fix them but to show them a better way and hope that in those learnings, the young men would gain a better light of themselves just enough to make a change. I have left the spark at times I see it turn into a fire that ignites the positive changes I mentioned. So I will hope that if the fire goes out that maybe the spark I left will ignite again but at a time that may be better suited for them.
I have met many great and inspiring people during my journey at Full Sail. I hope that at some point I will get back on track financially and obtain that career that will allow me to work with others who have the talent of loving, giving, and receiving. I look forward to my growth for I know that I will continue to use that growth to inspire others and to watch all the imaginings come true.
It is amiable that you are working with five at-risk-youth. I think when the time comes, the ones that you are concerned about will remember what you were trying to teach them at a time they need it most. The time may come in 10 or 20 years. I can also relate to rating yourself on your effectiveness and impact on students. I agree with your thinking and that you should focus on making a positive contribution. Remember that what you believe is a spark may not be a spark for them. Zander will later tell you how to handle this situation. Thank you for your post.
ReplyDeleteElaine helping others is very important to make yourself feel good and feel positive about your life. When you help others you will feel more motivated with your life. You find a way to make a difference helping this young mens. I imagine how you feel when they tell you "thank you Elaine for helping me".
ReplyDeleteI empathize with you Elaine. It sounds like you pour so much of yourself into these kids and I agree it is discouraging to not see the 100% results that was, of course, your mission. Darn it, in the starfish story, it seems like those starfish stay in the water after the person throws them back in, right? All I can say is don't give up and take a moment when you need to, to acknowledge it is what it is and then look for what else could be. Also, since you are an inspiration to others, it is just logical to also look to gain inspiration from others. Nurture and BE NURTURED. I think women have a tendency to forget the second step. So much of our mythology, our fairy tales and folklore has to do with being a steadfast and willing sacrifice, with no mention of the times then others bolster us up in return. I can't take credit for this advice; I remember Oprah and her guests discussed that nurturing and renewal need to be a cycle so we don't burn out.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of renewal, or at least renewed hope:
I have an idea. I read "We Beat the Street" cowritten by three doctors who made it out of tough Newark, NJ and the ups and downs that happened in their lives. Read it and through it you may realize that it may just be a wrong turn that is a wake-up call and gets them more focused on the good habits.
Elaine,
ReplyDeleteI can so empathize with you. Everything you do with these youth summarizes why I get up every morning. At present I am working with 17 alcoholic/drug addicts. Ages vary from 18 to 64 which makes them a very diverse group. I have been in this field a while and have no desire to become an LCDC Counselor. However, I do have a passion for working with these people and their families. When I first started working in this field I made a lot of mistakes. The first mistake was I took it home with me. At times trying to figure out how to help them kept me awake at night. I later realized that I am only a vessel of what my creator intended me for. When I leave there now I know that something bigger than myself has it all figured out. My second mistake was I wanted to befriend them when what they really needed was some structure and guidance. I learned the hard way and still teach my employees that if you don't hold them to some level of accountability they will never respect me. They don't need me to enable them their parents do a good job of that. We measure results where I work. When clients commit to something I always ask "how will I know you did it?" which deepens the commitment. The statistics are stacked against these people and they are given a choice. 1 in 5 will stay clean and sober, but we have to start somewhere and awareness is half the battle. I happy to know that there are people that at least try to help youth before they get to the place I work or a center like ours.
This post is very inspiring. The efforts you have put forth for these young people is something you should be proud of and the impact you have had on their lives is immeasurable. You are dead on with your last statement. The journey with Full Sail has been filled with many inspirational individuals and you are definitely one of them. Keep making a difference Elaine!
ReplyDeleteElaine keep being the spark that those youth need. Never feel that your work is not appreciate. You are a jewel. Keep pushing your work will pay out in a big way.
ReplyDeleteElaine,
ReplyDeleteGraham Chapman said, "All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person."
I think although you may not see the direct and lasting effects of your
"spark" and the love you have show these young men now they will surely present themselves in the future. You said yourself you take the stance of leading by example. I think both you and those young men are taking much more away from this experience with you than either of you realize. You seem to be internalizing the "be the board" concept of the book and looking at this from a positive perspective, one that you cannot control, but one that you can guide. Your positivity and determination are a "spark" for all of us.