We are creatures of habits both good and bad. When we are used to not looking at “the forest for the trees” or even deeper not seeing the trees for the forest, it is hard to change. I see this world today and I am included, where we succumb to life, as it is so much that we can’t envision anything better that what is. Zanders discussed in Chapter 7 that we need to, “be present to the way things are… and include our feelings about the way things are.” However, he goes on to state that this is, “Not the same as accepting the way things are.
When I managed my staff, especially the younger adults my objective wasn’t to rule over them. Oh they knew that Ms. Elaine was a serious Boss, but I cared and I showed it at every moment without losing my authority, but gaining their respect. I felt that if the system of Retail Management was not going to escalate me to the heights of my expectations the least I could do was make sure I gave these young people the tools to be as successful as I imagined and dreamed myself to be. How do we listen to others who may be able to help make our dreams come true? Zanders put it simply by, Figuring out “how much greatness you are willing to grant to others.” (p. 73)
Finding a balance between my “Calculating Self” and my “Central Self” has been a concept I never would have thought of if I had not read this book. It makes since now, nevertheless, that I see that I have stood in my own way of success. I can remember comments now that I think about of people always asking me if I was angry. The majority of the time I was not but I was always so deep in thought that I guess I looked angry. I will now adopt “Rule Number 6” into my thought and life process.
I have always been a Dreamer. I always wished to be in a better position but never could seem to find a way to get all my dreams out of my pocket and into reality. Chapter 7 shows that maybe I need to stop focusing on that so deeply and just, “be present without resistance.” Finishing this Masters Degree is my first step. I just need to let life happen, not fight against it, and realize that I still hold the steering wheel.
For a long part of my life I held my passions for life in a box that I created. I kept wondering why is it that I am still not happy or where I think I should be? I have all these talents shouldn’t I have been somewhere by now? Today I now work on learning where I put the lock to the box where all my passions lie. I may even have to go a step further and just break the damn lock off but how ever I need to do it I need to open that box and let my passions out and be fully present in my growth and journey.
I want to be one of the New Leaders and as stated in the video, distinguish the Downward Spiral and learn the skills needed to move others to find their possibilities as well as, achieving my own.
Elaine your post was thoughtful and reflective. It is clear to me that you care greatly for the young adults you work with. I am super impressed you read the entire book already. I really enjoyed it myself. Your post inspired me and touched me as well. I too feel in similar ways in terms of "holding my passions for life in a box". I am so glad you are moving into a new phase in your life and letting things happen for you. It is apparent through your hard work throughout this entire program that you hold yourself to high expectations and are serious about pursuing your dreams. You are a positive influence on us all. Thank you for sharing such a personal side of yourself. We may not get to "see" each other in class, but your "true self" definitely shines through in your writing and work and for that I am greatly appreciative.
ReplyDeleteHey Elaine,
ReplyDeleteI think we always think that the grass is greener on the other side and that is what makes us strive for more or different. It is hard to “be present without resistance.” I understand how hard it is that finishing this Masters Degree is your "first" step. Whats next?
It is hard to"let life happen, not fight against it, and realize that I still hold the steering wheel." I know I belong to that club to.
Keep on striving and take time to small the flowers.
Elaine,
ReplyDeleteYou quote the Zanders but it seems to me that you discovered the grace of granting greatness to others on your own when you relate the memory of retail days gone in saying, "I felt that if the system of Retail Management was not going to escalate me to the heights of my expectations the least I could do was make sure I gave these young people the tools to be as successful as I imagined and dreamed myself to be."
It seems to me that those actions of yesterday still echo and resonate with today, perhaps working to afford an opportunity for those dreams of yours to surface and emerge into the light of some soon to come tomorrow.
As for those dreams, are you certain the box is locked? If so, rather than breaking "the damn lock off," (which generated an honest to goodness lol -- I'm lucky not to have been drinking my Diet Coke at that point) perhaps the poet in you can use the advice that fell onto the paper in front of me so many years ago, seemingly of it's own accord:
Turning cheek to other cheek, exchanges upper hand
With one-two combinations, romantic’s dream is fanned
Syncopate the metronome, tick talking hypno-box
Rowing gently up that stream, good timing keys the locks
Easy as the count to three, that once upon a time
Cast the way our little boats, serve life for petty crime
Either way, to quote from Robert Silverberg’s Lord Valentine's Castle: Dream well.
Elaine I agree with you when you said that we are creatures of habits. I share the same idea that you have when you said that "Ms. Elaine was a serious Boss, but I cared and I showed it at every moment without losing my authority, but gaining their respect." We as leaders have to treat others with respect. I we want to be respected, we have to start by respecting others.
ReplyDeleteVeronica Santos
Elaine,
ReplyDeleteWe try so hard sometimes to achieve and obtain that it is like being in quicksand. The more you struggle against it the more it pulls you down. I too have had to learn that things can take their own course and oneself will come out alright if done in the name of love and respect.
There are two quotes by Abraham Lincoln that I try to live by everyday.
“It's not the Years in your Life that count, It's the Life in your Years.”
and the other is,
“If I care to listen to every criticism, let alone act on them, then this shop may as well be closed for all other businesses. I have learned to do my best, and if the end result is good then I do not care for any criticism, but if the end result is not good, then even the praise of ten angels would not make the difference.”
This is just proof that not only was he a great President, but that he was also a great Man.
So thoughtful Elaine! I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share pieces and parts of your own life when reflecting on the readings. Some of the same quotes stuck out to me when reading this book. You wouldn't believe how closely this all runs to what I do everyday and the principles I already live by! Thank you for sharing your views.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Elaine, we are both creatures of habits both good and bad. I realized from this post and through a seminar I attended this week on my own time. We often can be so quick to judge ourselves and others. Of course, we judge ourselves the most harshly. I like the idea of letting life happen and not fighting against it. If many people could adopt this a policy for themselves, maybe many more people could reach their full potential.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post. Much of what you said struck a nerve in regards to my feelings, emotions, and experiences. I have enjoyed this reading mostly because of it's timeliness. I am right here at the end of my Master's and the "what's next" question is about to take center stage. I have always had a problem with "being present without resistance". My husband always says I think too much and I don't know how to just be. This reading is encouragement in a sense. One step at a time, as well as whatever I see doesn't have to be what I accept. By that I mean, there maybe a mapped out life after Master's (that I am unaware of). I don't have to live that life specifically. The choices are mine, and it is okay to go after what is in my heart; to carve out a different path. I pray that you are able to unlock your box...
ReplyDeleteVery inspiring post Elaine! I enjoyed reading how the chapters moved you and gave you clarity. I too need to break the lock off the box that holds my passions. Though I have never taken myself too seriously in my personal life, I have difficulty with that concept in my classroom. It will be one of the ways I challenge myself this coming school year.
ReplyDelete